Deal Seeking Insanity

I am always trying to save money. I am constantly on the prowl for a good deal and when I get one its like getting my fix of dope. All those dollars saved feel like crack cocaine to my body! There is some insanity to this whole saving money thing I do and I justify and rationalize my insane behavior like any good addict would do. I hoard coupons for things I probably never will buy and have them lying all around our whole house. This "deal seeking" consumes so much time and sometimes I end up spending more money because of it, and then I pledge to myself that my couponing days are over. Today was a good example. About a month ago I found a coupon for a $19 safety and emission test at a local automotive shop. Normally they cost around $40 so I was ecstatic to find this. Knowing that I needed to get my registration renewed soon I held on to it. After failing the safety inspection I realized why they send out the coupons in the first place. The mechanic had a long list of items that needed to be repaired before it could pass the safety test and most of the repairs were completely unnecessary. Change windshield wiper blades, air filter, tires, fix tint, etc. etc. They were happy to take care of all these repairs for a pretty price; however feeling perturbed and somewhat deceived by the lure of this coupon I felt like "sticking it to them". I spent all day going around to fix these "necessary" repairs at other more affordable shops. I went back to the shop to have my car retested. As a rule of thumb I'd say places that have good customer service don't have to persuade me that they provided me with good service and in fact if they try to convince me of their "excellent service" I think all the less of them. This is what this shop attempted to do. At the end they had to tell that they should of charged me $30 or $40 for helping me (for a few minutes) peel the tint off my rear window but that they weren't going to do. I replied with a somewhat confused, "Thanks?" Anyways so much for trying to save money.

Unemployed Life

So the first few months after becoming unemployed I didn't know what to do with myself. Nothing or nobody to dictate what I did, no schedule, and no structure. Alarm clocks, showers, and clothes other than sweat pants seemed to be a thing of the past. You would think that total freedom to do whatever would be awesome but this, at first, was uncomfortable and scary. It was hard for me to accept. At first I was really nervous about finances and brainstormed all the ways I could think of to make extra money: Collect aluminum cans, donate plasma, sell things on ebay, participate in clinical trials/studies, do whatever. Luckily, I was able to get unemployment which although isn't much to live on, can at least pay for the most basic bills. But even after the immediate concern about money wasn't there, I still felt like I should be working and didn't feel quite right that I wasn't. My career used to be the focus of so much. Work was not just work. This is what consumed my time, thoughts, goals, conversations and also was what provided me a sense of purpose, structure and even source of identity. So losing a job for me was much more that just losing a job, it left a huge void in my life that I didn't really feel comfortable looking at. Waking up at 11 am, showering only a few times a week, watching movie after movie, and doing job searches online were the extent of my weekly activities.

It has been harder than I expected to find a job. It has been almost 4 months since I have worked. Two months of this I did absolutely nothing besides from watching some truly awful movies (I would suggest never watching Material Girls) and feeling bad about being unemployed. Awhile ago I complained to Jesus, "I just don't know what to do!", Jesus being somewhat impatient with me but also very wise said, "Do all the things that you used to say you never have time for." So I did just that. I started a blog :). I went to the library and checked out a stack of books that I always used to say I "never have time to read" and signed up for some classes of things I was interested in learning including a basic sewing class and a cross county skiing class. I take Nacho for runs, I signed up to volunteer with Hospice, I cook something new every day, I read something inspiring, and mostly I just try to appreciate and find enjoyment in the simple ordinary things in life. I think losing my job might be one of the best things that has ever happened. So I am curious what would you do if you had more time?

Learning how to "bound" up the mountain in cross country skis

Enjoying the view from the top on the trail - making all that butt kicking "bounding" totally worth it!

eMbrAce tHe CHaoS

Most of us experience times of chaos in our lives; maybe not the life shattering kind of chaos, but periods of uncertainty, confusion, change, and ambivalence. These are inevitable features of life; however, for a long time I have tried to avoid this chaos by trying to map out my life. I plan, prepare, budget, schedule and engage in other activities suited for the anal retentive.Unlike the spontaneous thrill seekers out there, I love order and predictability. Despite my efforts to avoid chaos, it still found me! As of late, I have daydreamed about living on a mountaintop or fleeing to some foreign country like India or Thailand to live with Buddhist monks to escape the stress of life. I stumbled across an article the other day that pointed me in a different direction. It was called, “The Case for Chaos”. It talked briefly about philosophies of Taoism and chaos theory that made me look at things a little differently. The author stated that real, abiding stress relief lay in embracing chaos. There is a “way” of the natural world, an organizing principle of the universe that just is and can’t be fought. When we become comfortable with not being in control, the chaos loses its grip. I still have my idea of how I’d like things to turn out, and I will still plan, but I will not be like they said in the article so “inflexibly attached” to these ideas or plans. A great line from the article said, “Don’t mistake predictability for peace: some of life’s most important moments are born of chaos.” Ambivalence is the place of both discomfort and possibility. Confusion is at the cusp of new insight. So amidst all my uncertainty and confusion I also feel now that I am at the cusp of something great! So although life can be a little messy sometimes....embrace the chaos!