RC Wiley, here I come!.....NOT!

On the first page of RC Willey's ad today was this. I found it somewhat funny and a little bit sad. Free bread and milk! Are you serious? What about the free ipad or some other cool electronic gadget? I seem to remember incentives used to be something that was really cool but probably something I really didn't need. Bread and milk seem to be way too practical to get me all that excited about purchasing a new $1300 fridge. Don't get me wrong...if someone offered me a a year supply of bread and milk for free I'd take it. Nothing is better than free stuff. I guess these are signs of the economic times though. People look to be more practical and pragmatic. Even as poor as I am I think I'd still want a shopping spree or an ipod more than bread and milk. RC Wiley, you have way overestimated my practicality!

Lots of lemons and no lemonade

I would love to keep this blog only about upbeat and positive things, but unfortunately this week has been one of those weeks where I feel like my whole world is falling apart. And when I say my whole world it really means that two or three things went wrong or not according to my plan. Melodrama in my opinion is acceptable on these occasions. To begin the week off, we got news that the townhome we have been renting for an amazing $500 a month had been sold by the owners. We understood this might happen as the townhome had been put on the market several months ago, but we weren't expecting it and not wanting that day to come so soon. The townhome had been perfect for our needs and our unemployed budget. So we have to move, something I absolutely loathe...especially since within the last year and a half I have moved 3 times already. To make things even more difficult is Nacho (who I love to death but who is also a huge pain in the butt...I'll explain that a little later). The apartment/home search becomes even less appealing when almost all apartments/homes within our budgets and that don't smell like dirty feet all emphasize in their ad, with capital letters and an exclamation point (as if they have to yell it)...NO PETS! I came close to slaughtering Nacho yesterday when I left him home for 5 minutes and came back and found him with Jesus' $350 headset for aviation completely destroyed. Of course he is a dog and has no concept of what is expensive and what is not, but thinking about replacing those right now just made me feel sick. And to top the week off I got my umpteenth rejection call from an employer. I've kind of lost track or maybe its just that I am trying not to count. When I get a call I can already tell what the news is before they even say anything. Maybe its the way they say my name or the pitch in their voice. It reminds me of the voice a doctor would use when he/she is about to tell you bad news. I still have this feeling that I should be working, and because I am not means there is something wrong with me. In the past few months since I have been doing my job searching I have only come across a few full time positions in Utah County. So I have widened my search to include part time and any social service position, not just those requiring a masters degree in social work. I have probably applied or sent resumes to at least 30 employers. Out of those I probably have only got 15 callbacks and out of those had about 8 interviews. Still no job though. Some of the positions I applied to there was a legitimate reason why I could not be selected. They required someone with full licensure as an LCSW, something I will not have for at least another 9 months. Others were looking for direct experience in certain fields which I don't have experience in (such as: medical social work or domestic violence). So my ego can kind of accept those rejections. On the other hand though when I start to apply for jobs I feel I am qualified to do and some that I feel completely overqualified for (some not requiring a degree at all) and I still do not get them my ego and confidence take a major beating. There is nothing more shaming for me than job hunting and turning up with nothing. So what did I do about all my job hunting/money/house woes... I rented a comedy and went to the grocery store and bought and then consumed a large and unhealthy amount of comfort food (of course all bought with coupons, because I still have not recovered from my couponing addiction yet). Hahaha.

Friends

One of the most valuable things I took away from the my masters program at BYU were amazing friends! They are the kind of friends I know would be there for me no matter what was going on in their lives and are also just remarkable individuals! It is hard to keep in touch with everybody because after graduating many moved to all corners of the country to find work; however some have stayed close by and I've enjoyed the times we have been able to get together. Erin has an adorable American bulldog puppy so I brought Nacho for a play date. Marilee, Erin and I caught up and completed our visit by making homemade peanut butter cups. Chocolate and peanut butter are one of those heavenly combinations that never can go wrong! I wasn't disappointed. Here is the recipe for those fellow peanut butter chocolate fans.

Too Good to Be Healthy Peanut Butter Cups

Chocolate layer:

• 1/2 c. cocoa powder
• 1/4 c. coconut oil
• 1 t. vanilla
• 1/8 – 1/4 c. honey

Melt the coconut oil and stir the other ingredients in; mix until smooth. Pour the chocolate into the bottom of the pan or fill the molds with a thin layer, leaving half of the chocolate for the topping. Let cool while you prepare the peanut butter filling. (The chocolate will have the taste of semi sweet dark chocolate, not milk chocolate.

filling:

• 3/4 c. creamy peanut butter
• 2 T. honey
• 1 t. vanilla
• 1/4 c. coconut oil
• 1/3 c. ground nuts (we used chopped almonds)

Melt the coconut oil, stir in honey, vanilla, and then the peanut butter. When smooth, stir in the ground nuts. Spread the peanut butter filling on top of the chocolate, whether it’s in a mold or a pan. Finally, take the remaining chocolate mixture (if it’s started to solidify, heat it gently for a couple of minutes until it’s liquidy and easy to pour) and pour it on top of the peanut butter layer, smoothing it so that the top is even. Refrigerate or freeze.

Me, Erin, Marilee and daughters!

Trying my first homemade reeses

Nacho and his new friend, Diesel, waiting to come inside after playing outside in the rain

Bountiful Baskets and my Cooking Adventures

A couple of months ago I signed up for Bountiful Baskets. This is a food co-op that is all volunteer run. Every week you sign up and for $15 get a basket full of fresh fruits and vegetables. Saturday mornings become like Christmas morning as you go to pick up your basket. What will it be this week? Maybe coconuts, asparagus, turnips, strawberries, blackberries, peppers, spinach, or sweet potatoes? I realize I have paid for it but its always exciting finding out what new and different things are in your basket that week. Its well worth your money and I've enjoyed cooking and trying new things. I incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my diet now so I feel good about that. Anybody ever eaten a Jerusalem artichoke? A few weeks ago several were in my basket so I drizzled them in olive oil and roasted them. They are really tasty! I left them on the table though and as I was in the bathroom, Nacho found it an opportune time to jump up on the table and eat them! Pummelos are now up on the top of my favorite fruits list. These giant citrus fruits taste like grapefruit but are sweeter. Four weeks ago I got two heads of cabbage. Not knowing what I would do with so much cabbage, I used one head of cabbage to make sauerkraut. I absolutely love sauerkraut! I smoother my hot dogs and bratwurst in sauerkraut. My hot dogs end up having just as much kraut as meat, but that's how I like 'em! The thing is if you want to make sauerkraut the real way you have to have serious patience. I chopped up the cabbage added a few tablespoons of salt, covered it and then waited. And waited. And waited. Four weeks later my sauerkraut was ready! On Thursday I made Schnitzel and had a side of sauerkraut and spaetzle and tonight I grilled some German bratwurst and smothered them with mustard and sauerkraut. Yum Yum! I feel my German roots coming out after a week of German cuisine.

I topped the chopped cabbage with a ziploc bag of salt water. This keeps it airtight and prevents any molding

Finished product after 4 sweet weeks of waiting

Deal Seeking Insanity

I am always trying to save money. I am constantly on the prowl for a good deal and when I get one its like getting my fix of dope. All those dollars saved feel like crack cocaine to my body! There is some insanity to this whole saving money thing I do and I justify and rationalize my insane behavior like any good addict would do. I hoard coupons for things I probably never will buy and have them lying all around our whole house. This "deal seeking" consumes so much time and sometimes I end up spending more money because of it, and then I pledge to myself that my couponing days are over. Today was a good example. About a month ago I found a coupon for a $19 safety and emission test at a local automotive shop. Normally they cost around $40 so I was ecstatic to find this. Knowing that I needed to get my registration renewed soon I held on to it. After failing the safety inspection I realized why they send out the coupons in the first place. The mechanic had a long list of items that needed to be repaired before it could pass the safety test and most of the repairs were completely unnecessary. Change windshield wiper blades, air filter, tires, fix tint, etc. etc. They were happy to take care of all these repairs for a pretty price; however feeling perturbed and somewhat deceived by the lure of this coupon I felt like "sticking it to them". I spent all day going around to fix these "necessary" repairs at other more affordable shops. I went back to the shop to have my car retested. As a rule of thumb I'd say places that have good customer service don't have to persuade me that they provided me with good service and in fact if they try to convince me of their "excellent service" I think all the less of them. This is what this shop attempted to do. At the end they had to tell that they should of charged me $30 or $40 for helping me (for a few minutes) peel the tint off my rear window but that they weren't going to do. I replied with a somewhat confused, "Thanks?" Anyways so much for trying to save money.

Unemployed Life

So the first few months after becoming unemployed I didn't know what to do with myself. Nothing or nobody to dictate what I did, no schedule, and no structure. Alarm clocks, showers, and clothes other than sweat pants seemed to be a thing of the past. You would think that total freedom to do whatever would be awesome but this, at first, was uncomfortable and scary. It was hard for me to accept. At first I was really nervous about finances and brainstormed all the ways I could think of to make extra money: Collect aluminum cans, donate plasma, sell things on ebay, participate in clinical trials/studies, do whatever. Luckily, I was able to get unemployment which although isn't much to live on, can at least pay for the most basic bills. But even after the immediate concern about money wasn't there, I still felt like I should be working and didn't feel quite right that I wasn't. My career used to be the focus of so much. Work was not just work. This is what consumed my time, thoughts, goals, conversations and also was what provided me a sense of purpose, structure and even source of identity. So losing a job for me was much more that just losing a job, it left a huge void in my life that I didn't really feel comfortable looking at. Waking up at 11 am, showering only a few times a week, watching movie after movie, and doing job searches online were the extent of my weekly activities.

It has been harder than I expected to find a job. It has been almost 4 months since I have worked. Two months of this I did absolutely nothing besides from watching some truly awful movies (I would suggest never watching Material Girls) and feeling bad about being unemployed. Awhile ago I complained to Jesus, "I just don't know what to do!", Jesus being somewhat impatient with me but also very wise said, "Do all the things that you used to say you never have time for." So I did just that. I started a blog :). I went to the library and checked out a stack of books that I always used to say I "never have time to read" and signed up for some classes of things I was interested in learning including a basic sewing class and a cross county skiing class. I take Nacho for runs, I signed up to volunteer with Hospice, I cook something new every day, I read something inspiring, and mostly I just try to appreciate and find enjoyment in the simple ordinary things in life. I think losing my job might be one of the best things that has ever happened. So I am curious what would you do if you had more time?

Learning how to "bound" up the mountain in cross country skis

Enjoying the view from the top on the trail - making all that butt kicking "bounding" totally worth it!

eMbrAce tHe CHaoS

Most of us experience times of chaos in our lives; maybe not the life shattering kind of chaos, but periods of uncertainty, confusion, change, and ambivalence. These are inevitable features of life; however, for a long time I have tried to avoid this chaos by trying to map out my life. I plan, prepare, budget, schedule and engage in other activities suited for the anal retentive.Unlike the spontaneous thrill seekers out there, I love order and predictability. Despite my efforts to avoid chaos, it still found me! As of late, I have daydreamed about living on a mountaintop or fleeing to some foreign country like India or Thailand to live with Buddhist monks to escape the stress of life. I stumbled across an article the other day that pointed me in a different direction. It was called, “The Case for Chaos”. It talked briefly about philosophies of Taoism and chaos theory that made me look at things a little differently. The author stated that real, abiding stress relief lay in embracing chaos. There is a “way” of the natural world, an organizing principle of the universe that just is and can’t be fought. When we become comfortable with not being in control, the chaos loses its grip. I still have my idea of how I’d like things to turn out, and I will still plan, but I will not be like they said in the article so “inflexibly attached” to these ideas or plans. A great line from the article said, “Don’t mistake predictability for peace: some of life’s most important moments are born of chaos.” Ambivalence is the place of both discomfort and possibility. Confusion is at the cusp of new insight. So amidst all my uncertainty and confusion I also feel now that I am at the cusp of something great! So although life can be a little messy sometimes....embrace the chaos!