Unemployed Life

So the first few months after becoming unemployed I didn't know what to do with myself. Nothing or nobody to dictate what I did, no schedule, and no structure. Alarm clocks, showers, and clothes other than sweat pants seemed to be a thing of the past. You would think that total freedom to do whatever would be awesome but this, at first, was uncomfortable and scary. It was hard for me to accept. At first I was really nervous about finances and brainstormed all the ways I could think of to make extra money: Collect aluminum cans, donate plasma, sell things on ebay, participate in clinical trials/studies, do whatever. Luckily, I was able to get unemployment which although isn't much to live on, can at least pay for the most basic bills. But even after the immediate concern about money wasn't there, I still felt like I should be working and didn't feel quite right that I wasn't. My career used to be the focus of so much. Work was not just work. This is what consumed my time, thoughts, goals, conversations and also was what provided me a sense of purpose, structure and even source of identity. So losing a job for me was much more that just losing a job, it left a huge void in my life that I didn't really feel comfortable looking at. Waking up at 11 am, showering only a few times a week, watching movie after movie, and doing job searches online were the extent of my weekly activities.

It has been harder than I expected to find a job. It has been almost 4 months since I have worked. Two months of this I did absolutely nothing besides from watching some truly awful movies (I would suggest never watching Material Girls) and feeling bad about being unemployed. Awhile ago I complained to Jesus, "I just don't know what to do!", Jesus being somewhat impatient with me but also very wise said, "Do all the things that you used to say you never have time for." So I did just that. I started a blog :). I went to the library and checked out a stack of books that I always used to say I "never have time to read" and signed up for some classes of things I was interested in learning including a basic sewing class and a cross county skiing class. I take Nacho for runs, I signed up to volunteer with Hospice, I cook something new every day, I read something inspiring, and mostly I just try to appreciate and find enjoyment in the simple ordinary things in life. I think losing my job might be one of the best things that has ever happened. So I am curious what would you do if you had more time?

Learning how to "bound" up the mountain in cross country skis

Enjoying the view from the top on the trail - making all that butt kicking "bounding" totally worth it!

eMbrAce tHe CHaoS

Most of us experience times of chaos in our lives; maybe not the life shattering kind of chaos, but periods of uncertainty, confusion, change, and ambivalence. These are inevitable features of life; however, for a long time I have tried to avoid this chaos by trying to map out my life. I plan, prepare, budget, schedule and engage in other activities suited for the anal retentive.Unlike the spontaneous thrill seekers out there, I love order and predictability. Despite my efforts to avoid chaos, it still found me! As of late, I have daydreamed about living on a mountaintop or fleeing to some foreign country like India or Thailand to live with Buddhist monks to escape the stress of life. I stumbled across an article the other day that pointed me in a different direction. It was called, “The Case for Chaos”. It talked briefly about philosophies of Taoism and chaos theory that made me look at things a little differently. The author stated that real, abiding stress relief lay in embracing chaos. There is a “way” of the natural world, an organizing principle of the universe that just is and can’t be fought. When we become comfortable with not being in control, the chaos loses its grip. I still have my idea of how I’d like things to turn out, and I will still plan, but I will not be like they said in the article so “inflexibly attached” to these ideas or plans. A great line from the article said, “Don’t mistake predictability for peace: some of life’s most important moments are born of chaos.” Ambivalence is the place of both discomfort and possibility. Confusion is at the cusp of new insight. So amidst all my uncertainty and confusion I also feel now that I am at the cusp of something great! So although life can be a little messy sometimes....embrace the chaos!

Happy Birthday NACHO!

For those of you who don't know, I have a dog named Nacho. I got him almost a year ago as a puppy and since that time he has become an important part of our family. I never knew you could love a dog so much until raising him and becoming so attached. If I love a dog this much, I can only imagine how parents feel about children. I sometimes call him a "special dog". He certainly hasn't learned all the manners of a well trained dog. If you come over to visit he will likely jump all over you and lick you all over until he finally calms down. He thinks he is a lap dog (although he weighs quite a bit) and will try to sit on your lap no matter where you are. Although he is incredibly hyperactive, ill-mannered, and requires lots of attention, I can't help but to absolutely love him! He just turned 1 year old and so I decided to throw a birthday party for him. Jesus invited some of his friends who are always looking for an excuse to get together and have a party and I got really into the party planning. I made him his own birthday cake (made with all dog safe ingredients and frosted it with cream cheese and mustard). I made a pinata and filled it with dog treats and bought him a few new chew toys. We invited other dogs because Nacho is definitely an extrovert and loves to play with other dogs; however, only one other dog showed. This was still enough for Nacho and I think he loved all the birthday attention. We had carne asada and I made a fruit pizza for all the other non-canine guests.

Scavenger Hunt

Its been a long time since I put much effort into celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Most of the time Jesus and I would celebrate by going out to dinner and my gifts were usually things that Jesus had bought and then we came to agreement that the soccer jersey that he just bought, for example, was his birthday present. Lame right? I always used to do really thoughtful things for Jesus when we were dating and thinking that thoughtful things shouldn't stop after the dating years, I tried to think of something different I could do this year. I looked through our photos and remembered all of the things we have done here in Provo. Instead of just giving Jesus his birthday present this year, I decided he would go through a scavenger hunt to find it. Each clue directed him to a place that had some significance to us. I sent him to 8 different places around Provo including, DI, BYU Dinosaur museum, the cannon center, outdoors unlimited, tennis courts, our old apartment, and a few parks we used to spend time in. I went along with him in case any the clues really stumped him and he needed help. It went fairly well; however Jesus found it somewhat embarrasing to go up to the cashiers and say, "Hello, my name is Jesus, do you have an envelope for me?" They would smile or laugh and hand him the envelope with the next clue in it. At the end I gave him some photos of these places which we have memories of and of course his present! It was literally a trip down memory lane and the whole time I felt giddy. It was fun for both of us and a little different from going out to eat.

I'm a hat making fool!

Back in November at a church enrichment activity I learned how to knit hats using a knitting loom. This was probably a dangerous thing to teach me at the time. I had recently become unemployed, had a lot more extra time on my hands, and also have obsessive tendencies. Knitting became my new fixation. The whole month of December I became a hat making fool. My family can probably attest to the fact that they rarely saw me without some yarn and loom in hand. With great determination I could usually whip up a hat, start to finish, in three hours. Granted by the end of the three hours my thumb would be red and almost blistered but I had a finished product! I bet you'd never guess what my family got for Christmas :) Anyways I've taken a break from my hat making as I did not set out to get carpal tunneling by 2012. I got so caught up in making the hats and feeling so crafty that I forgot that I rarely even wear hats :) Oh well...they are fun to make. The looms costs about $12 at Walmart and they are surprising easy to use if anybody else wants to pick up a new hobby.

Happy MLK Day!

I know I'm a few days late on this, but I still wanted to post. I believe Martin Luther King Jr. was an extraordinary man worth remembering. I think its also great to have a birthday so close to MLK. While looking at the source of all knowledge, Wikipedia, I found some interesting facts about this day. The first year this holiday was observed was in 1986 just a few days after I was born! Many states were opposed to celebrating this holiday because they questioned whether King was important enough to receive such an honor. In fact the first time all 50 states officially recognized this holiday was in 2000!
Every time I hear the "I have a dream speech" I feel something deep inside me stir and it always inspires me to be a little better. Besides enjoying a day off I think its important to remember some of the things King has said.
"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
Another favorite quote of mine is from his sermon "Strength to Love" written in 1963. He states: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." What a great challenge; have the strength to love one another! Love even when it may be difficult.

Quarter century Birthday!

I have turned 25! It feels like somewhat of a milestone to be turning a quarter of a century old. When I was younger I had this conception that real life began at 25 and this was usually when people started having a family, began their career and when we magically became responsible individuals. Well I can't say that this is exactly what 25 has brought me...maybe somewhat more of a quarter-life crisis in my case. I found myself with no job and not really knowing what I wanted and what direction to go. Luckily I did not do anything radical like buy a sports car or get a breast augmentation but instead was able to do nothing (which is somewhat liberating), read some good books, spend lots of time with family and find out a little more about just what makes me tick. To celebrate my birthday I went snowboarding with my sister and had a yummy won ton dinner with my family.